A Five-Star Blog -or- I Quit Shamoken

I got home last night.  Now that’s a loooong drive.  It is 2,434 miles from Edmonton to New York, but I drove more than that.  I drove out of my way a few times.  I drove back up to Saskatoon, visited that Spam Museum, and went a little out of my way to see Shamoken, PA.  I saw a sign for that town and I had to see it with my own eyes.  My grandparents on my Dad’s side were from there, and I have heard about for years and I figured this was my chance.  I don’t think the tanning salon was there when they were around.

Okay, as I promised, I will give some last words on the Fringe.  First of all, will I tour next year?  No. I may venture out to do some theaters and trade shows throughout North America, and currently I have lined up doing Rebel Without a Nicheat Venture Theatre in De Pere, Wisconsin in March.  Then again, Mike Eserkaln may replace me with a Venezuelan actor.  It’s happened before .

Why won’t I do the Fringe next year?  I’m pursuing other avenues of my career.  Will I ever tour the Fringe again?  Hmmm.  That’s my official answer.  Hmmm.  There it was again.  Will I do any Fringes next year?  Possibly.  I put my bid in for the Frigid, right here in New York, and I may do Hooray in Ottawa in ‘08.  That’s all.

How was my Fringe experience this year?  Great!  Business was up for me in a big way.  I did significantly more business in Winnipeg, a bit more in Saskatoon (remember – I actually did pretty well there last year) and in Edmonton…  Holy shit.  Edmonton I did over twice of the box office I did last year.  Ticket prices were a tad higher, and I did cancel one show last year, but still it’s impressive.  Which brings me to this question:

Why did Hooray for Speech Therapy do better than Rebel Without a Niche?  Well, first of all, Hooray didn’t open in Toronto like Rebel, and it ended up getting a four-star review in the Free Press, based on a performance in Winnipeg.  It got a pan from my friend at the CBC, but more people were reading the Free Press.  That helps.  People even in Edmonton were doing web searches and reading reviews from festivals past.  I wish people would go by word-of-mouth, etc., but that is the way it is, sadly. 

Second of all, Hooray had a niche market.  I had speech therapists and people who had been through speech therapy going to the show.  That’s actually a decent-sized market, and it got people into the door and created word-of-mouth.  You can’t get any word-of-mouth going if you’re not getting anyone in the door.  So I had an audience from the get-go.  I didn’t have that with Rebel, which was more of a broad comedy.

Thirdly, I had media support this time around.  As I said, reviews helped.   A few people did trash me, but they didn’t come off very well and I think many people noticed that.  I received the best reviews I have ever gotten, and I think I deserved it.  And TELEVISION.   In Edmonton I was on the prime time news where they did a whole segment on me.  This helped me greatly.  I followed it up with another television appearance and a CBC radio interview that was broadcast throughout Alberta (although it was broadcast at the very end of the festival).  This was because of the speech therapy angle.  I didn’t get any of those opportunities last year.

Anyway…  I do feel that different people get difference experiences from doing the Fringe, and for some of us it gears us up for the next phase in our careers.  I’ve done three Fringe tours now.  I admire anyone who does it.

Right now the Vancouver Fringe is going on, and the big controversy is the Encore Series, which is a series of hit shows that the festival is running against their usual Fringe shows.  Performers are upset because this could take box office away from them, and I agree – they should have programmed this special series after the Fringe was over.  Well, I’ve been giving this advice, so I will go public with it.  Here goes:  If you want to stop the Encore Series, then contact the performers who are involved with it, state your case, and ask them to drop out.  If they do, the Encore Series is over.  I think right now every tactic except that is being employed.  So that’s my advice.

I met a lot of performers who were distraught and upset over the reviews they got.   I have advice for that as well.  First of all, as performers, don’t base your self-worth on reviews.  A guy in Orlando, upon meeting me for the first time, whipped out a piece of paper and read a review of his show to me so that I would apparently know that he was legitimate.  That really wasn’t necessary and I kind of felt sorry for him.  Don’t think that other shows aren’t any good because a reviewer panned it.  It’s no fun to read in a newspaper that you suck, but if you are doing a show, then there is a 90% chance that someone will pan you.  That’s just the way it is.  Man up.  God knows I have to on occasion.  Keep working on your show and listen to the audience.  If they like what you’re doing, then you know you’re doing something right.

Austin, MN, as opposed to Austin, TX

I had no trouble going through the border into North Dakota on Wednesday.  The song “American Woman” from the Guess Who was playing on the radio as soon as I reentered the USA after being in Canada for six plus weeks.  The Guess Who is one of the most famous bands to come out of Winnipeg.

There is no shortage of classic rock being played in this country.  In fact, I heard “American Woman” today as well.  Yesterday I heard three different songs by R.E.M.  Plenty of Zeppelin, Eric Clapton…  I even heard a Whitesnake song yesterday.  And did you know John Tesh has his own syndicated radio show?  These are the things you learn on the road.  What John Tesh is up to.

My friend James told me that it’s probably tough to go from being in theater festivals to being completely alone in a car for hours.  True!  It’s best not to listen to sad songs.  It’s good to stay upbeat.  I had been getting bored in days past, but today I’m in a good mood because…

I just visited the Spam Museum!  Oh, yes, indeed.  They have a Spam movie, Spam artifacts, and a woman who walks around serving “Spamples.”  I actually don’t think I’d had Spam before, and these were actually tasty.  My vegan friends would hate this place, but I bought magnets, postcards, and a Spam tee-shirt.  I even ate at the “Spamarama” across the street.  I didn’t have Spam, though.  That would be overkill. 

Last night I spent the night in Monticello, MN, and right now I am in the library in Austin, MN.  Who knows where I will be tonight?  I may not get online again until I get home, but at some point I will be giving my thoughts on Fringe Past and Future, mostly pertaining to my experiences.  Then we’ll completely move on.

Okay, off I go for more driving.  The oil is changed and the car is washed (right here in Austin!).  Next stop: Wisconsin.

Car Games

Hey, you want to have a really boring day?  Drive from Saskatoon to Winnipeg.  I even took a different route this time, but it’s still Prairie Land for kilometers on end.

On the way to Saskatoon, I rode with Michael and Annie from If Tap Shoes Could Talk, but for this trip I was by myself.  I tried to play some of the car games we had played, but it didn’t work out by myself.  I tried playing “Who Am I?” by myself by not knowing who I was.  Yes, that’s how boring things got today.

I just found out that there is amazing museum in Drumheller, and all I did was go to the rinky dink town museum.  Well, now I know.  I have heard of some other interesting stops I can make on the way home, so we’ll see where I end up.

All the best to my Fringe colleagues who are in Victoria (that’s still going on, right?) and will be going to Vancouver.  Not me this year.  I should be home by the weekend. 

Right now I am sitting in a room with a dog, a guinea pig, and a bird and I’m trying to figure out who smells bad.  Yes, I’m in the running as well.  That’s what happens when you spend hours on the road.

Spamlands

I took a trip to Calgary Monday so today I drove to Saskatoon.  I stopped briefly in Drumheller, which is in the Badlands in Alberta.  They have the Largest Fake Dinosaur on display.   They sold me.  I bought a magnet, postcard, and some kind of candy tray, all celebrating this oddity.

My last two shows did very well and were two of my best selling shows.  This serves as further proof that Sun reviews make no impact on audiences.  In fact, only the Journal counts in Edmonton, in terms of reviews.  My Saturday show was a blast, and it was filmed.  Sunday’s show…  Well, some woman came and brought a bunch of kids, and what kind of child under fourteen is going to have any kind of attention span for my kind of show?  She was then shocked by the adult language in my show, and complained to my technician afterwards.  If this lady had read the program book and seen that there are clear warnings about adult language and the rating of 14+, she would have known, but she probably just read a review and was going by that.  Well, that will teach you to just go by reviews.

The kids squirmed in the front row, and a little girl who was right in my sight line read a freaking newspaper throughout the show.  Yes, she was holding it up and it was very visible to me.  Look, I’m glad the girl is reading, but it’s not exactly the easiest thing to do a show while someone is doing that right in front of you.  I considered stopping the show and telling her to put it away, but I thought that may be too distracting to the rest of the audience.  So I did as best as I can.  Could people be any more rude? 

Well, anyway… Focus on the good things, as Tony Soprano would say.  Edmonton was probably my best Fringe yet, in terms of shows and audiences.  So bravo to that!   Now I am doing my long journey home.  I am seriously considering visiting the Spam Museum in Minnesota on my way. Yes, there is one. Tomorrow night I should be in Winnipeg, where I will spend the night and pick up my laptop.

Tiny Update

Just as a quick update…  The Fringe is over!  A success! Also my CBC Radio appearance played yesterday morning.  I didn’t hear it, but people I talked to at the Fringe site yesterday told me that they had heard it.

I’ll be writing more about my experience later, but right now I have to begin my drive home.  Tonight I will be in Saskatoon.

The Sun Looks Down On Me

The Sun ran a lengthy and bizarre review of me with an enormous picture of my face. Lindsey Lohan was on the cover and they were trashing her as well. Lindsey and I are in the same boat! Pick on me, but leave Lindsey alone.

That came out yesterday. Really, the review is broken down into chapters, with chapter titles. And I got TWO unkind headlines from them, one for the article and one under my picture. Still, my three-and-a-half (and we could round that out to four, couldn’t we?) from the Journal and my word-of-mouth can counter anything else.

Also yesterday I did an appearance for the CBC in the mall. I did a little snippet of the show while a few people watched and an elderly woman in the front (she was the only person in the front) dozed off. I think she was just looking for a place to sit. They also squeezed me in for a CBC Radio interview. It all was put together and happened very quickly. So that’s two TV appearances, one radio interview, and a MALL appearance, all in Edmonton.

My two days “off” are over and I have another show tonight at 6pm. Jem Rolls gave me some hot tips last night on where to pull people in for my show, so I will be hitting those spots today.

Hairless

This morning I made my second Edmonton television appearance.  I finally appeared on CityTV’s Breakfast Television.  They told me they could squeeze me in if I showed up, and they would be there at 7am.  I woke up at 6am, fell asleep, woke back up again at 7am, jumped out of bed, got to the Fringe site, and was on LIVE at 7:50am for an interview.  It seemed like it went well. 

Today I visited the West Edmonton Mall, which is well known because it’s so huge.  I went into a pet store and they had some hairless Spinx cats that cost something like $1,600.00 each. They were very odd looking.  They looked like little wrinkled up naked white people.  They did put little coats on them, though.

Two more shows – Saturday at 6pm and Sunday at 2pm.  Oh, I did finally get press.  I got “middle” reviews from the weeklies, and a pretty good Journal review.  I would have liked four stars, but they gave me three-and-a-half.  Still, I won’t complain because they gave me a mere two stars last year!  We’ll see.  I’ll be out and about promoting.  Tomorrow at noon I will be doing a CBC Center Stage mall appearance.

Word of Mouth Works!

As far as yesterday’s blog goes, (1) Breakfast Television may try to squeeze me in on Wednesday or Thursday.  We’ll see.  (2) My “break from the Fringe” consisted of me going a block away and eating at Chili’s.  There you go.

I can’t complain.  Well, I can, but why bother?  The shows are going well and tonight’s 8:45pm show is already pre-sold for half the house.  Yay!  All word of mouth and interest, I suppose, because there is still no Journal or Sun review.  At this point it’s making less and less difference, and I like the fact that people are coming for the reasons that they are, and not because it got some number of stars.  It’s a good thing.  I’m doing very well without that press.

Well, I’m going to take a nap and then head out to flyer and sell that other half of my audience.

Quick Updates

The weird school bus outside at midnight was a “stagette” (or as we in the States call “bachelorette”) party doing a pub crawl. That poor bus driver! Anyway, that’s what that was.

All of Edmonton were glued to their TV sets waiting to see me on Breakfast Television this morning, and didn’t see me. I was told there was a “miscommunication,” and it resulted in me being at the wrong place for the appearance. I wouldn’t bother mentioning it, but I had told people I would be on television, so I think I should explain why I wasn’t. I did my best! Maybe they will schedule me for another morning.

My 4:30pm show today went well, as in over half the house was full. But I have to stop focusing on numbers and just enjoy what I’m doing. I think I need a little break from the Fringe at this moment.

More Than Double Your Pleasure

Last night I went home early because it was cold and rainy and I felt bizarrely tired. So I got into my inflatable air mattress and slept for, oh, I guess an hour or so and then couldn’t get back to sleep. My billets had some family there, and a phone rang immediately as I started to enter into that zen zone of sleeping. It was like my soul was sucked back into my body, but not really because that would be a near-death experience. This was a near-sleep experience. Then I saw flashing lights outside and looked out the window to see a school bus outside with a bunch of girls running into it. Don’t know what that was about. It wasn’t a dream, although it sounds like one.

Today I had my second show in Edmonton, and I more than doubled my audience from the first show! It looks like flyering and word-of-mouth is working. My goal is to have a sold-out show in this festival.  Just one would be fine – I will take it! Still no press here, but if you are in Edmonton I will be on Breakfast Television tomorrow (Channel 7 is what I was told) at around 8:30am. You can watch me and not even leave your home.

So home and to bed I go. I suspect that press have been attending my last two shows. I am crossing my fingers and knocking on wood that the reviews reflect the audience responses I’ve been getting.